ELON Musk has purchased Twitter, the widespread social media web site the place individuals who have by no means met get the thrilling alternative to attach on a deep degree by squabbling all day lengthy.
Having already taken over as CEO, Musk is promising main modifications and commenced his reign by firing a number of senior executives
Worried Herald readers could concern the Diary group might be disbanded similarly.
We’d by no means do away with Junior, our 96-year-old copy boy, who has been with us for 80 years, and has nearly received a hold of the job.
Another unsackable employees member is Barbara, the ravenous workplace sheep. Sturdier than any paper shredder or waste disposal unit, she additionally doesn’t want plugging in.
Then there’s our crack group of reporters. To underline their excellence, right here’s a choice of their most interesting yarns from our archives…
A READER eating out in Glasgow heard the girl at the subsequent desk – clearly not a fan of a complete glass of ice – say to the waiter: “Diet Coke, please. But with very little ice.”
There was clearly a misunderstanding as the waiter returned with an ice dice on a spoon and mentioned: “We don’t have any ice cubes smaller than this.”
Hairy state of affairs
HOLIDAYING in Spain, a reader realised the couple mendacity subsequent to him at the resort pool have been from Glasgow when the chap, who was exceedingly hirsute, requested his spouse to rub sun-tan lotion on his again. After a couple of seconds rubbing she exclaimed loudly in an unmistakable west coast accent: “Ma goad, Robert. It’s like rubbing custard on a shag-pile carpet.”
A READER, sitting on a prepare close to two women who embarked at Whitecraigs Station, realised they have been discussing a lady of their acquaintance when one among them mentioned disparagingly: “She’s more can of peas than canapes.”
Rough and ruffer
A READER contemplated on the reassurance given by a fierce-looking gent in Glasgow who had a menacing-looking canine with him. He informed a lady who stopped to pet the animal: “Don’t worry, hen. She only bites folk I set her on.”
Bracer to braces
ENJOYING a drink in a Glasgow pub, a reader heard a younger chap additional up the bar, who was sipping a comfortable drink, decline the supply of a whisky with the comment: “I’m allergic to alcohol.”
As this stunned the people with him, he added the clarification: “Whenever I take it, I break out in handcuffs.”
A DAFFY dentures story. A reader’s spouse had simply returned from the dentist, so he requested her how her new false tooth have been faring.
She replied most confusingly: “Oh, fine. I’m leaving them out until I get used to them.”